How can you be a father if you’re NOT a liar? For starters, honesty doesn’t occupy the bed. But that’s another story.
On April 10th “how can i be a father if i’m a liar” was used as a search term that directed some poor soul here to DOAW.com.
He possibly landed on this post, about stealing candy. For which I’m certain proved to be of no help. Or possibly he found the one about parents lying to their friends. Damn, he may have even stumbled across the most recent one, about outcome-based praise.
Why do one-third of my blog posts have something to do with lying? Is it because I’m a liar? Yes… And because you’re a liar, too.
Lie-detection for me is somewhat of a hobby. I’ve seen every episode of ‘Lie to Me’ like 100 times! I’m certainly no expert. But when my emotions are removed I’m pretty successful. Try this test for measuring your social intelligence. This is a great tool for measuring how well you read eyes. It’s a great starting point for lie-detection. I scored a 32/36 (not a lie) on my first try. You should give it a shot and share your results in the comments. It takes about 10-minutes to complete.
If you’re at all intrigued, or scored well on the social intelligence test. I highly recommend you watch this TEDTalk. I’ll wait…
Okay – so duping delight is by far my favorite. It’s sometimes confused with nervous laughter. But it’s fairly easy to spot when a person’s head-nods do not correspond with their associated words. I’m fascinated by the science of lie-detection. But it makes for a skeptical existence. The better you get, the more jaded you become, in the realization of how often we lie. Watch for the signs at your next business meeting and try not to go crazy.
Here’s a clip of Rafael Palmeiro. Watch him hold his awkward stare, compound with subtle up-and-down head-nods. It’s completely contradictory to his testimony. His lying is pretty obvious when armed with the right knowledge. Rafael was suspended for steroid use 5-months after giving this testimony, back in 2005.
It takes two to complete the union of a lie, the liar and the sucker. I think most of us have the capability (and intuition) to realize most lies. We’re just afraid to dig deeper out of fear of offending the liar, or out of fear of realizing the truth. It’s a social agreement to accept seemingly innocent lies.
Lies are REALLY easy to identify, when the subject is three years old. It usually looks something like this:
We lie to our kids, every day. And they lie – right back to us. Their ability to lie increases as their language develops. Don’t worry, they didn’t learn to lie from us – it’s a survival instinct.
They lie to protect themselves from being exposed. From being found wrong or vulnerable, just like us. We often lie to merely protect the feelings of others. We claim to seek the truth, but we’re okay with accepting these lies. It’s easier. And we’re a little lazy. And afraid of what others might think. Hunting 100% truths risk breaking the barrier of an unspoken social agreement between humans everywhere – don’t push too hard to find the real truth. Because sometimes (the truth) you don’t really want to know.
Some folks lie better than others. I suppose there are positives and negatives you can take from that. Practice your own lie detection, so you can become a better liar yourself. So that the next time your kids ask you “why?”, you’ll have a response other than “because I said so!”
Maria: “Dad, I have candy for breaskfast?”
Me: “No, honey.”
Maria: “Why I can’t have it?”
Me: “Because it went bad, and I’m going to have to throw it out.” *
* “Because it looks delicious, and I’m going to eat it during your nap-time.”