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We Request Your Presence, Not Presents

Even something as simple as giving a birthday card fills me with quite a bit of anxiety. Caused by fear of the whole social interaction surrounding it. Not knowing how to act, or react. We put ourselves out there agreeing to such terms. Offering someone a small piece of yourself, although in gift-form. What if they reject it? Or worse, what if they reject you? Or even worse than that, what if they fake it?

“Faking it, it’s not just for the bedroom anymore!”

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Consider Giving “Up” a Try

If you haven’t seen the movie “Up” you should make the time. It’s suitable for all ages, unlike Caillou, which is suitable for no ages.

And If you still haven’t visited The Glad Stork, you should probably just-give-up and do that, too. Like Caillou, The Glad Stork is also unsuitable for all ages.

Well, unless you like toilets.

This comic features a poorly drawn version of Matt from “Dad on a Wire” and one of his daughters. Give his blog a read if you’re so inclined! Or go watch the first 10 minutes of “Up” and have yourself a good cry.
This comic features a poorly drawn version of Matt from “Dad on a Wire” and one of his daughters. Give his blog a read if you’re so inclined! Or go watch the first 10 minutes of “Up” and have yourself a good cry.
underwearonoutside

Eighteen Things That Suggest Your Toddler Is a Superhero

1. Similar to Magneto, toddlers utilize foreign substances (like stickers, maple syrup, ice cream, and boogers) to attract unknown matter.

Toddler Magneto

2. You often find toddlers dressed like superheroes. Tight pants, weird-looking shoes, and mismatched headbands and/or masks. Or just underwear.

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3. Toddlers contain a power that slowly weakens their enemies.

Incessantly “Asking Why?”

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4. Toddlers possess the ability to see at night. Because…

Night. Lights. Everywhere.

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Socratic Parenting: Answering Questions with Questions

The Socratic Method: Answering a question with a question.

Socratic Method: a form of inquiry and discussion between individuals, based on asking and answering questions to stimulate critical thinking and to illuminate ideas.

  • Great for raising children and mentoring employees.
  • Horrible for communicating with spouses, friends, and colleagues.
  • Completely useless when ending a blog post.*

I bring this topic up as a follow-up to Can I Be a Father if I’m a Liar?’. After some mild pondering I consulted Buddha Google about answering a question with a question (a quanswer). A mentoring method that I’ve used quite frequently.

Here’s a screenshot of what quickly jumped out:

googlesearch

 

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How Can I Be a Father if I’m a Liar?

How can you be a father if you’re NOT a liar? For starters, honesty doesn’t occupy the bed. But that’s another story.

On April 10th “how can i be a father if i’m a liar” was used as a search term that directed some poor soul here to DOAW.com.

He possibly landed on this post, about stealing candy. For which I’m certain proved to be of no help. Or possibly he found the one about parents lying to their friends. Damn, he may have even stumbled across the most recent one, about outcome-based praise.

Why do one-third of my blog posts have something to do with lying? Is it because I’m a liar? Yes… And because you’re a liar, too.

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doawpiggybank

The Piggy Bank Caper

Did I (unknowingly) teach my oldest daughter to steal?

The other day a boy from our local High School was going door-to-door with one of those obnoxious fundraisers for his baseball team. This happens often in our suburban neighborhood. I usually feel obligated to help out. Not because I know one day, my two daughters will likely be in those same shoes. But more importantly – I feel inclined to help out the kids that are doing their own work. NOT THE PARENTS. I despise when parents take over these fundraisers for their kids – pushing the responsibility onto their family, friends, and co-workers. And now, these solicitations are popping up all over Facebook. Maybe I’m too old-fashioned. But there’s supposed to be a level of responsibility taught, in addition to funds collected. I write a lot about parental obligations and sending mixed messages to our children. I’m certainly not perfect – but don’t go out of your way to help your children cheat. If there’s a certain dollar amount they need to attain. Then teach a man to fish – so to speak.

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We All Fail – We Don’t Have to Lie About It

I dread the day my (4-year-old) daughter learns that I don’t like all her drawings. It’s something I’ll soon have to tell her.

selfportraitofme
Dad’s face when … all day.

That drawing above is good for her age, I suppose. But not everything we do is good or deserving of celebration. Too often, we tell our kids they’ve done great work, when they haven’t. We’re responsible for shaping our children’s minds; Teaching them insights; And what it means to be responsible adults. We educate them. We teach them love – and sometimes hatred. But we rarely teach them HOW TO FAIL; or rather, how to COPE with failure. Children need to understand it’s okay to be a winner and a loser. We are ALL both… some of the time. There’s no reason to lie about it.

Children must learn to lose with grace – so they can win with class.

They must learn to follow – so that they can learn HOW to lead.

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The Complete Fool’s Guide to Welcoming Home Your New Baby

lena fist pumpWelcome to the club of selfless-masochism. Where we scar our minds and bodies – in order to create a newer and better version of ourselves. Our offspring. The light of our lives. Our cuddly little bundles of joy. They steal years from our lives, while selfishly adding them to their own.

The Complete Fool’s Guide to Welcoming Home Your New Baby

Congratulations! So you are, or are soon to be a new dad. Assuming it’s too late for you to run away – here are some, somewhat tested, and not really proven methods of welcoming home your wonderful, shitty new addition to the family. Follow these simple instructions, and you’ll have the entire family eating out of the palm of your hand – and feeding off your man breast.

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I’ll Be Right Back

Everyday I want to expose myself. Well, at least when I write. I attempt to write SOMETHING every day. Even if it’s just an idea, a joke, or only a thought or self-criticism. However, I don’t write myself any compliments. I guess I just think that would be strange. But I do enjoy complimenting others who do great work and take great risks.

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